- W.H.O. plans for next year’s Gerbil diahorrea pandemic predict folks will drop in their billions [like swans with bird ‘flu] – (BBC);
- the US FDA hope to announce Eli Lilly’s Gerbil diahorrea vaccine has passed clinical trials in time to save us – (The Times, London);
underemployed WHO officials announce plans to deal with the 2011 worldwide “Bovine Flatulence” pandemic – (The Sunday Times, London);
the CDC express hopes Merck’s new BFV vaccine will protect human hearing – reducing to less than 0.2 decibels likely noise levels – (New York Times);
in case of vaccine failure, using new powers under the UK Emergency National Pandemic Framework Guidelines, the Department of Health here has stockpiled 50 million ear plugs [sadly no plans to offer nose protection] – (Sarah Boseley – The Guardian, London);
- the UK Ministry for Agriculture has contingency plans for mass slaughter of predicted millions of deaf livestock – (Jeremy Laurance – The Independent);
- UNICEF announces grave concern over the world pandemic of world pandemics. Journalists worldwide are most affected – (Mark Henderson – The Times).
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