World Pandemic Health News Round-Up

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Recent health news:

  • W.H.O. plans for next year’s Gerbil diahorrea pandemic predict folks will drop in their billions [like swans with bird ‘flu] – (BBC);
  • the US FDA hope to announce Eli Lilly’s Gerbil diahorrea vaccine has passed clinical trials in time to save us – (The Times, London);
  • underemployed WHO officials announce plans to deal with the 2011 worldwide “Bovine Flatulence” pandemic – (The Sunday Times, London);

  • the CDC express hopes Merck’s new BFV vaccine will protect human hearing – reducing to less than 0.2 decibels likely noise levels – (New York Times);

  • in case of vaccine failure, using new powers under the UK Emergency National Pandemic Framework Guidelines, the Department of Health here has stockpiled 50 million ear plugs [sadly no plans to offer nose protection] – (Sarah Boseley – The Guardian, London);

  • the UK Ministry for Agriculture has contingency plans for mass slaughter of predicted millions of deaf livestock – (Jeremy Laurance – The Independent);
  • UNICEF announces grave concern over the world pandemic of world pandemics.  Journalists worldwide are most affected – (Mark Henderson – The Times).
A New York Times editorial comments that after SARS, the prior media scare stories of the world asteroid apocalyse ceased to appear, asking was it too far-fetched or no money in promoting it?  And further comments on a sad effect of swine ‘flu for our grandchildren in making flying pigs history.

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Swine ‘Flu Jokes

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